beyond the realms of irony

apparently, the u.s. is still the best place to get your meat – and not just in a milwaukee bathroom stall.

senator larry craig, of the republican gay scandal club, sent out an email to constituents last week that despite california’s recent massive beef (gettit?) recall, we’re still better off getting our sausage domestically.

i honestly think there’s a point where irony can be so ironic that it really ceases to be ironic at all. i’ll file this one there.

thanks to destiny and lego king for passing this along.


There Won’t Be Blood

i decided to spend the forced vacation i’m on (which most call unemployment) working on the kind of piece i haven’t worked on in years. like, real news.

it came out of a recent experience i had while giving blood, when i noticed that if you’re a man who has had sex with another man even just once since 1977, you are not allowed to donate blood. which, given the fact that most of the nation deals with a daily blood shortage, and the leaps and bounds in blood testing technology and reliability, seems really retarded.

so i poked around to find out why this is, and the result was published in 10zenmonkeys today.

meanwhile, in a total coincidence of timing, san jose state university announced that it’s suspending blood drives to protest the fda’s current anti-gay policy.

of course, blood centers aren’t happy about this, considering the perpetual state of crisis in local blood supplies, and as much as i obviously am trying to focus attention on the flawed policy, i’d have to agree this is pretty counterproductive.

especially since it hasn’t received much media coverage, which i’m sure was the whole point of making such a statement.

a sad day to be mexican

i honestly can’t think of a single reason why a mexican would support clinton over obama.

except this one.

maybe i’m wrong. i really hope i am. but even while mexico beat the u.s. in abolishing slavery, there was never a mexican rosa parks or mlk, so at this point they’re a few decades behind us as a society dealing with racial issues. and considering how retarded we still are about race in this country, that’s a pretty sad affair.

oh voting young

so now we know the dems’ process of picking a nominee will grind on, maybe even all the way to the primary.

which could mean a boon for sex workers with frequent flier miles!

for obama supporters, yesterday’s super tuesday results weren’t exactly the new york giants-style shocker they were hoping it to be. and while i believe obama still has a good chance at being the democrat’s candidate in november, the opium dream that gripped his campaign’s most wildly optimistic reveals something that they’d better acknowledge before that big fall day (which, to wax poetic, ain’t so far away).

and that is – be careful of staking your hopes on the young’uns.

oh sure, they watch the corny black eyed peas video endorsing obama (are they gonna replace fergie with scarlett johansson, who not only sings better but makes the dutchess look like an … um … ex-foil-clutching tweek smoker? okay, that was catty and unnecessary to the argument at hand … ). they even show up to the rallies.

and though the youth vote turnout for the bam’er looks pretty impressive in some states, i’m still very nervous about the tendency of 18-to-25-year olds to actually get their collective asses in the booth. sure, it looks like things are gonna be different this time – why shouldn’t young voters be more enthusiastic about someone who can toss off a contemporary cultural reference without looking like a complete douchebag? or identify with a guy who doesn’t look like the cryptkeeper?

but while they made an impact last night, if it was anywhere near as dramatic as obama’s carried-away staffers dreamed it could be based on the cultural buzz surrounding the campaign, we’d be having a completely different conversation about obama vs. clinton today.

win a date with chelsea!

oh man, if i ever needed a personal political slush fund. chelsea clinton is putting it all on the line for mom as the campaign goes to the next level yet again.

of course, by “putting it all on the line” i mean nothing of the sort.

i’d love to think of the times we’d have, tho. me ‘n’ chelsea tearing up el lay proper in my ’91 creme-colored caddy. oh yeah.

and what’s the greatest about chelsea’s move (i’d accuse her parents of putting her up to it, but she doesn’t quite seem the wallflower lately), is that in a clinton/mccain cage match, meghan would have to up the ante! wheee!

raging bulls(hit)

there’s a lot of harumphing over what some consider unbecoming conduct on behalf of hillary and barack in last night’s debate.

i beg to differ.

sure, it got a little “spirited.” but after kerry went down for some weak against neo-con attacks last time, the last thing the democrats need (or want, i’ll wager) is another sap who’ll turn the other (ass)cheek.

and to this end, hillary and obama proved they’ve got the gumption. sure, people are tired of sniping in general, and these two have to walk a fine line to avoid looking like typical political assholes. but while edwards (who i like in many ways) looks above the fray at the moment, staying above the fray can also mean an unwillingness to get one’s hands dirty, and this november the dems need to make sure it’s clobberin’ time.

Published in: on January 22, 2008 at 5:07 pm  Leave a Comment  
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central california defies prop. 215

i know some cool people who live in san luis obispo, but evidently the rest of central coastal california consists of blockheads.

of course, i recommend boycotting these tourist-lovin’ communities in protest of a policy that is not only mean-spirited, but appears to be against the law. prop. 215 is meaningless if residents don’t have the means to obtain medication, and there’s a simple way to challenge the right-wing cannabis conspiracy – sue these fuckers.

then we’ll see what our a.g. jerry is really all about. too long have these peasants stood against you, and the will of the state.

the most irrelevant endorsement in america

actually, let me correct that – i daresay that this morning’s endorsement of barack obama by the World’s Biggest Loser john kerry is worse than irrelevant, it’s a downright hazard to his fledgling campaign.

first of all, it’s john kerry. he’s a laugh to the independents upon whom obama is depending to get the nomination (irony, anyone?), and he’s a bitter embarrassment to card-carrying dems.

if there’s anyone in obama’s camp with a half a brain, this will be as played down as if adrian zmed were to try to speak at ‘bachelor party’ buddy tom hanks’ inevitable kennedy center honor. uh, we’ll get back to you.

the daily show with … dick cavett?

it’s obvious that jon stewart is in an awkward position bringing back ‘the daily show’ in the middle of a writers strike. his solution? to scrape a minimal amount of humor over the course of the show, kinda like when you get a giant stack of pancakes and only one tiny pat of butter.

lucky for stewart (or for viacom, ultimately), his audience is hardly blockheaded bracegirdles from hardbottle. so between the built-in antics of primary season and his willingness to engage guests in actual conversation like a goofy amalgamation of dick cavett and tom snyder, it should manage to hobble along.

of course, that model is dependent upon the ability to continue to get guests willing to cross the picket line.

hillary pillory

i almost couldn’t believe hillary fucked up so bad on this bit from saturday’s new hampshire debates:


Obama challenged Clinton’s claim in a weekend debate that he was raising “false hopes” about what he could deliver for the country. Obama told his audience that hope made President Kennedy aim to put a man on the moon and Martin Luther King to imagine the end of segregation.

“If anything crystalized what this campaign is about, it was that right there,” Obama said of Clinton’s comment in the debate. “Some are thinking in terms of our constraints, and some are thinking about our limitless possibilities.”

what he said.

i mean, why not just come out on stage under a banner that reads “Lowered Expectations ’08”?

and while i don’t mind john edwards in general (haven’t been inspired to really support him, either), it was kind of annoying the way he was trying to ride obama’s coattails during the debate. “you know, obama and i … ” i haven’t seen such a blatant play for a vp slot since the infamous behind-the-scenes bush/quayle handjob circa ’88.

god, was that really 20 years ago? gemme my walker.