Just Another Jobless Mexican

no sooner had the steam cleared from my “morning constitution” than i was greeted by what would surely be the best news of the day – the highest-ranking mexican in the u.s. had decided to pull a snagglepuss and exit stage left while the going … was … good?

of course, “good” is a relative term, but certainly better to go now while simply smarting from the gentle barbs of insinuation before being ripped apart by the “hellraiser”-esque hooks of direct congressional accusations of perjury.

i decided in a typical fit of narcissism that i was somehow more affected by this dee oh jay development than many americans, based simply on the fact that i identify as hispanic.

don’t get me wrong, i’m not quite a poster child for mecha. shit, i can hardly speak a word of mexican. however, not only am i well acquainted with the taste of chorizo, but i spent my entire childhood trying to avoid those horrible white icing cakes and getting hit on the head by a piñata bat at every cousin’s cumpleaños.

and there’s no getting around the fact that the most interesting thing about gonzalez, apart from his uncanny ability to not be canny in the commission of connivance (sorry, i was watching kenneth branaugh’s adaptation of ‘as you like it’ over the weekend and i guess some of that alliterative verbosity crept in as i whacked it to bryce dallas howard), is his mexican-ness. and by proxy, his betrayal of all whose memories of nana include a stone grinder.

first, there’s the obvious symbolism bush has always embraced in the notion of an alberto gonzalez. bootstraps, immigrant, blah blah blah. in reality, gonzalez is far more a texan than a mexican – have you heard his “accent?” fuck me, he sounds more like sam kinison than he does like tuco in “the good, the bad and the ugly.” talk about assimilation!

the kicker for me, though, is gonzalez’ own invocation of the american dream in the example of his life. oh boy, mexicans, now we can set our eyes on the fuckin prize! the american dream can be attained by working really hard on your own abilities and ambitions (by most acccounts, this guy isn’t an incompetent attorney) so that you can use them in the service of your dopier, richer white buddy.

and nothing makes your corazon swell with pride like the drooling enthusiasm with which gonzalez pursued the most noble of ideals – figuring out exactly how many times you can kick a prisoner in the balls before it can be classified as torture. (bad news for prisoners … turns out to be roughly the same as the number of licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop.) yay american dream!

oh, and then there’s his ability to turn john ashcroft into a figure almost worthy of sympathy, as he hovered over the singer’s would-be deathbed and tried to cajole his drug-addled colleague into rubber-stamping bush’s torture agenda. sueño americano!

i don’t know what the ag’s case is more a shining example of, the failure of nepotism over qualification or the failure of ad-hoc affirmative action. in his bold and valiant effort to actually DO something not so evil, bush has of course set mexicans back at least two or three years. not for lack of trying – the sheer multiplication of hispanics in the u.s. assures that we won’t be set back long.

it’s just too bad that our first genuine shot at breaking the glass ceiling had to come in this empty glass. Just Another Jobless Mexican

Published in: on August 27, 2007 at 6:37 pm  Leave a Comment